best mother-in-law EVER

i just came home from an eight day business trip that was crazy busy and I haven't read a blog or even really been on-line in forever. I always have a hard time starting back up after a break like that. Man, I hate when my real life screws up my on-line life.

I'm glad to be home and back with the kids. Although I'm a little curious as to what exactly happened in this house while I was gone. What is with the laundry? Have you ever heard this "I just washed what we needed for the next day every night." hmmm.

Although I did come home to a completely scrubbed and gleaming bathtub. I had left it pretty nasty. Honestly it was kind of mildewy and pretty gross. I said to my husband, "oh, you scrubbed the bathtub" and he said, "no, mom did it."

oh good. great! my mother-in-law got on her hands and knees (a knee that is being replaced in two weeks) and scrubbed the hell out of my bathtub.

embarrassed much?

if i hadn't seen the state of her bathroom fifteen years ago when she was working full-time i would have been totally embarrassed... when i called her and thanked her she bent over backwards to make sure i didn't feel bad. seriously, she is the best mother-in-law EVER.

so today i am recaulking the bathtub and vowing to keep it sparkling clean forever...

i've missed reading all your blogs and hearing from you. can't wait to get caught up....

She's just rambling

Tomorrow night around 6:00 I'm climbing into the car and driving five or six hours to Myrtle Beach. It's a business trip. Another week of working like crazy dogs and then dragging myself back home.

I hate the day or two before a trip. So busy. So much work to do and then so much at home too. I wonder if there is a mother out there who doesn't feel like she has to pack the house with enough food for a year when she's leaving her family. Who doesn't feel like everything should be spotless, every errand ran, everything in place. It's the business trip guilt. I think if you say you don't have it you are lying.

Today I've got that little layer of panic at the bottom of my stomach that I'm not really going to get everything for work done before I leave. But right on top of that is a layer of dread, just a little thicker than the panic. Dread and sadness at leaving the kids for a week. It's always there before I leave.

Of course as soon as I leave a weight lifts and I'm quite pleased to have days and days to myself and not have to juggle work and family.

So really I guess this is all a blessing. This life I have. Sometimes I have to come here and right it down to figure that out.....

Poem Thursday

What Do Women Want?
by Kim Addonizio

I want a red dress.

I want it flimsy and cheap,

I want it too tight, I want to wear it

until someone tears it off me.

I want it sleeveless and backless,

this dress, so no one has to guess

what’s underneath. I want to walk down

the street past Thrifty’s and the hardware store

with all those keys glittering in the window,

past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old

donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers

slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,

hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.

I want to walk like I’m the only

woman on earth and I can have my pick.

I want that red dress bad.

I want it to confirm

your worst fears about me,

to show you how little I care about you

or anything except what

I want. When I find it, I’ll pull that garment

from its hanger like I’m choosing a body

to carry me into this world, through

the birth-cries and the love-cries too,

and I’ll wear it like bones, like skin,

it’ll be the goddamned

dress they bury me in.

Kim Addonizio, “What Do Women Want?” from Tell Me. Copyright �© 2000 by Kim Addonizio. Reprinted with the permission of BOA Editions, Ltd, www.boaeditions.org.

Source: Tell Me (BOA Editions, Ltd., 2000).

Appropriate Blogging Times

As I write this I am listening to some credit card chick try and sell me some extra thingy or other. I'm just letting her read through the entire script. Poor thing. I wonder what is more annoying to them -- when we are rude and say "No!" right at the beginning of the spiel or when we let them go. through. the. whole. thing. and then say no...

I find letting them talk to me for a few minutes is a perfectly good excuse to sit down at my computer and either read blogs or start a post while they ramble on.

Of course this is just one of the many moments I find appropriate for blogging. Here are some others.

•One of the twenty zillion times every day that I'm on hold for work or maybe just waiting for someone to answer the phone. OK and maybe when I'm actually in the middle of a business call, but just if it's long and boring.

•Definitely when I get roped into one of those conference calls that I don't actually need to be on. (I spend all day on the phone)

•While the kids are doing homework. duh.

•Those extra little five minutes here and there between stuff -- you know, like doing the laundry and leaving to pick up your kids at school, might as well sit down and see what's going on.

•The twenty or so minutes when you were actually going to do the laundry (you didn't all actually think I do laundry did you?)

•When I'm supposed to be picking my kids up at school. Just kidding.

•When there is nothing on TV and my husband has honed in on the History Channel (kill. me. now) but still thinks I should hang out in the living room with him. Really... does anyone else suffer through this? The history of the hot dog bun or some deep introspective piece on when/how/where/why the 10 millimeter wrench was invented?

•Thanks to my iPhone -- when we are on a road trip, when we are at a restaurant, when I am at Starbucks, shopping or waiting in line anywhere....

Oh no!!! I'm late to pick up Jimmy. Because I was blogging!!! Gotta go......

The Dining Room Table

I'm at the table and it's piled high with Legos, homework, phones, glasses of water and Kool-aid and a million other things.

I'm here, pushing the idea of concentrating while doing homework. Kind of a crazy idea around my house. In about 90 minutes I'd like dinner to magically appear at the table but I think I'm going to have to wander in the kitchen and take care of it myself.

The holidays are over, we're back to school, speech therapy, regulated bedtimes, errands....

I'm trying not to eat chocolate chips right out of the bag -- and failing miserably.

Last Saturday I stood in a pasture eye to eye with a ten month old filly as she checked me out, her lips and nose brushing my cheek. Three other horses stood nearby, waiting for a treat and some love. I didn't get to ride, it was raining, but I spent a couple of hours getting to know K, and her four horses, five dogs, and I don't know how many cats. It was nice. I think I found a kindred spirit -- at least as far as our love of animals goes. We have plans to try and ride this weekend.

So the new year has started with a little bit of the old and some new things too. I'm quitting some commitments I'd gotten myself into in 2008. Commitments that were draining me and keeping me from taking care of myself. I'm trying to pick up some old habits that I had let go, things that keep me healthy.

The homework is done now and the boys are snuggled close to each other on the couch, surfing the web. It's getting dark and I'm going out to check on the parsley and thyme I planted a couple of hours ago just so I can be out in the last light of the day.

It's enough for right now, everything here. As long as I still have other things to hope for, to work towards, this is enough for now.