August and Everything After

August always wears on me. Pulls me down, flattens me out. It's the time of year when I feel like there is nothing ahead of me. Nothing to look forward to. Everything I do is because I have to, not because I want to.

The kids are bored and anxious, hovering between dread and excitement about school starting next year.

I want to crawl into bed, pull the cool sheets up to my chin and wake up sometime in October when the cool, perfect weather breeds optimism.

I feel like I should be doing something right now. Something big. Something life-changing. Instead I'm pushing myself just to check the mundane things off my list -- laundry, dishes, cooking. I'm fighting that feeling that life is slipping by and when the kids are gone there will be nothing left. Like I lost myself.

Maybe that's what happens to me in August. Maybe the heat presses it out of me. It's when I wonder how I got here. To Georgia. In this house. This life. How I was so unfocused and is it to late to find my way now?

I guess not. It's just right now. I'm realizing I still don't know where I'm trying to go.

Home Alone

Today I packed my husband and boys off to the beach for four days. FOUR DAYS!!! I am home alone for four days. They have been gone for eight hours and I have to tell you -- still. not. lonely.

It's like heaven. So far I have napped, read, napped, read, shopped, bought a lot of junk food (that I'm eating in bed, thank you very much) read some more, walked the dogs, blogged, and did I mention the reading?

It was so nice to pack for them and not myself and when I was helping load the car and I saw all those annoying things my husband does when we travel that pretty much drive me insane I was practically giddy that I didnt' have to deal with it.

I'd try to write something more profound but I'm to anxious to get to the ranch dip, chips and the last 100 pages of my book.