Tuesday, January 13, 2009

She's just rambling

Tomorrow night around 6:00 I'm climbing into the car and driving five or six hours to Myrtle Beach. It's a business trip. Another week of working like crazy dogs and then dragging myself back home.

I hate the day or two before a trip. So busy. So much work to do and then so much at home too. I wonder if there is a mother out there who doesn't feel like she has to pack the house with enough food for a year when she's leaving her family. Who doesn't feel like everything should be spotless, every errand ran, everything in place. It's the business trip guilt. I think if you say you don't have it you are lying.

Today I've got that little layer of panic at the bottom of my stomach that I'm not really going to get everything for work done before I leave. But right on top of that is a layer of dread, just a little thicker than the panic. Dread and sadness at leaving the kids for a week. It's always there before I leave.

Of course as soon as I leave a weight lifts and I'm quite pleased to have days and days to myself and not have to juggle work and family.

So really I guess this is all a blessing. This life I have. Sometimes I have to come here and right it down to figure that out.....

19 comments:

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

That's the great thing about blogging, sometimes just the process of writing helps sort out the good and bad in things and helps you have perspective.

My challenge in leaving is to make sure to have prepared foods ready for my husband AND the children because as great as my husband is at a lot of things, the kitchen is a mystery to him.

jen said...

dread and sadness but also somewhere, a tiny bit, excitement. time alone. at least that's how this sort of thing makes me feel.

travel well.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I KNOW my husband doesn't feel like this before he leaves on a business trip.

Have you ever noticed how someone always cooks your husband dinner or invites him over while you're gone, but never does it for you when he's gone?

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I'm jealous. My husband leaves for a week on Friday and I sometimes wish it was me leaving him behind to play the single working parent. But then again - I have a hard time being away from my kids. It's all very push/pull.

Enjoy your evenings of room service and in-house movies!

Julia said...

oh man. I can't leave the house without trying to leave the last tiny spot cleaned (which it never is and I fret over while I'm gone). But today i wish I was leaving for a week instead of dealing with the dogs/kids/fish/whatever else. Although if i was really leaving I would be scared. ;)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You are so brave to do this. I agree 100% with what Jenn @ JL wrote in her comment--women get zero support when in these situations.

david mcmahon said...

G'day from Australia. I know what you mean. Leaving is always a many-sided thing, even when you KNOW you're coming back.

furiousBall said...

i have these feelings too, especially recently sending my kids back to their mother after the holidays, i'm basically heartbroken 60% of the year

Louise said...

I'm not lying. I don't pack the house with food. (I don't make any.) And I don't clean it. And I expect it to be cleaner when I get back than when I left. (Though I'm sometimes disappointed on that one.)

There is no need to feel that guilt. Figure out why it's there and get rid of it.

As for the panic and dread, I'm with you 100% on that. And then the feeling of freedom? Even more.

I just got back from a business/pleasure trip. Half business, half pleasure. I was SO. TIRED. for the business part that I skipped part of it and took a nap. I went to 1/4 of my classes. I started to feel guilty about THAT, but I realized that I'm not a skip-out kind of girl, and I needed that. I also decided that business or no business, I need a little alone vacation every year--preferably in a warm climate during the winter. Nice hotel is NOT optional. Access to entertainment is optional (because I might be too tired to partake), but nice just in case. And there will be no food left in the freezer for that kind of trip, either.

Jennifer H said...

Pack me in your suitcase, too, please.

Your husband knows where the store is, so don't worry too much. (I do the same thing before I leave, or I have a faint memory of that, anyway...) As for the rest of it, you know they will miss you, but it's also a good time for them to hang out alone with dad, and that's fun, too.

the mama bird diaries said...

I always feel the same way if i have to leave my kids. it's really hard.

flutter said...

your life is a blessing....and so are you.

we_be_toys said...

I hear you - somtimes I just have to lay it out to see what I'm talking about, to get organized.
Hope you have a fab trip!

Suzanne said...

I like that you have that lighter feeling once you are in the car and on your way, that you can enjoy the time away as time to yourself to rest and rejuvenate and read and write and just get back in touch with your own mind (yeah, I know that you're there working too...) Lucky you can see both sides of the coin!

Tessa said...

Oooh, so perfectly expressed - those layers of panic and dread. That is exactly the feeling I got every time our daughters left Africa to fly to their boarding school in England.

Take care Madge, and as they say in my part of Africa, hamba kahle - go well.

Sandi McBride said...

Oh yes, I remember that feeling well...my Mother called it an Anxious Mama Moment...but you know, that phone call every evening I was away to ensure that the tribe had eaten even tho the food preparer was not there was never quite enough...lol...but I always enjoyed just a bit of that trip down the highway, no squabbling in the back seat, no demands from the front...great post. Congratulations on the Post of the Day mention at David's
Sandi

Vodka Mom said...

my bags were all packed- did you forget about me????

damn.

mydogumentary said...

I hope you have a good trip and trust that your kids will be fine without you there! I feel the same way about leaving my dogs (I know it's not the SAME as kids)It's hard to do!

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