ok. go ahead -- roll your eyes. i am.
i'm doing the classic madge-isolates-herself routine.
i'm also doing the classic madge-decides-to-post-when-she-only-has-10-minutes-before-she-has-to-leave-the-house routine.
make that nine.
why do i feel compelled to put this shit out on the internet anyway? what is wrong with me?
the worst habit i have is deciding every one is tired of me and doesn't like me (if you leave a comment reassuring you like me i'm going to be annoyed) and then shutting everyone off.
oh i get cranky and mean when i do this. i get lonely and scared. i feel small.
of course i feel lonely -- i cut everyone off! i'm seriously not right in the head, i'm pretty sure.
and then things start happening -- real life stuff -- like our private school tuition is $15,000 next year? what is wrong with that? should we switch schools? should we move? what do we do? (please do not turn this into a private school vs. public school discussion -- that's not what this is about)
and i just got a call from my aunt saying my mother-in-law is in trouble at home alone. she just had knee replacement therapy three weeks ago and has hurt herself and i need to go out there, but i've got two kids in speech therapy this afternoon and i have to figure out which is more important.
and i might miss girls night out (no!)
and i realize i am just a selfish immature pig of a person, wallowing in my pity and that's why i should be blogging -- so i can see the true stupidness of myself.
so, again, committing to coming her every day for a few weeks, just to work my shit out.
scared. scared, scared, scared. is everyone this afraid at 41 (almost 42) is everyone examining every damn decision they made in life and wish they were somewhere else? wish they would get up tomorrow and be different?