Thursday, August 6, 2009

August and Everything After

August always wears on me. Pulls me down, flattens me out. It's the time of year when I feel like there is nothing ahead of me. Nothing to look forward to. Everything I do is because I have to, not because I want to.

The kids are bored and anxious, hovering between dread and excitement about school starting next year.

I want to crawl into bed, pull the cool sheets up to my chin and wake up sometime in October when the cool, perfect weather breeds optimism.

I feel like I should be doing something right now. Something big. Something life-changing. Instead I'm pushing myself just to check the mundane things off my list -- laundry, dishes, cooking. I'm fighting that feeling that life is slipping by and when the kids are gone there will be nothing left. Like I lost myself.

Maybe that's what happens to me in August. Maybe the heat presses it out of me. It's when I wonder how I got here. To Georgia. In this house. This life. How I was so unfocused and is it to late to find my way now?

I guess not. It's just right now. I'm realizing I still don't know where I'm trying to go.

9 comments:

Coco said...

The Southern Summers are really hard to take. The humidity is unbearable. Hang in there.

Sherri said...

I feel the same way sometimes. And like you, usually in August. I love the Fall and can't wait for the crispness of October.

It's never to late to change things up, do things you want to do, achieve goals you've always wanted to achieve. It's just harder in August!

The Green Stone Woman said...

It's the heat that makes you unfocused and out of balance. It wears you down. It makes you want to huddle in a cool place and taste snowflakes on your tongue. Hang in there. Soon it will be September and there will be the promise of a whole new season to enjoy and the kids will be in school where they belong.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

For about 2 weeks of every year we have hot and humid weather here. I am shocked at how much it debilitates me.

Anna See said...

The lethargy. The dread. I hear you. Particularly the part about not knowing where you are going. Well said. I am always amazed about another summer winding down, another year passing.

Maybe opening a new pack of Pink Pearl erasers and taking a big whiff will get the fall juices going. Or finding a bag of candy corn could help.

lindaloohoo said...

madge,
i can totally relate about the, wondering how life passes so quickly and when am i going to grow up and figure out what i want to be, thing.
but not august. i was born in august and married the man of my heart in august, a man who likes to celebrate the whole, entire month, so i think august kinda rocks.
i don't know, maybe go to target and buy a recycled, but with a cool, fun print on the front, notebook and some number two pencils, go home, sharpen a whole bouquet of them and start doodling. oh, and since you're in georgia, do that in the kitchen, with the freezer door wide open. greenhouse gas be damned.
for me, sometimes it's not about the destination, but the slow, methodical journey, at my own pace and seeing things thru my own eyes, not thru someone elses and what they think i should be.
well, that, lower expectations and a good bottle of tequila.
suddenly you might start liking august too . . .

Cha Cha said...

It's never too late to find your way. And whether you realize it or not, you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now - it will get you where you're supposed to be next.

But I hear you on the heat. August just makes me feel fat and sweaty and rumpled and dumb.

Texasholly said...

It is too hot to think. Lay low until fall and then make a plan...

Louise said...

It's never too late, but I'll put a healthy dose of blame on the heat--and August in general due to that limbo of summer/school. This post made me realize that maybe I don't exactly hate school as much as I think I do (well, probably I do), but hate the START of school, the END of summer and all that.